not yet quite there....

I got my internet back today.

I feel renewed.

Able to write down my thoughts again where it's quiet, where I can think.....in the dark. My favorite time of day. Noone at work inspires me. Not too many people these days that are around me inspire me. Golriz does. She's like me. Together yet alittle off. And we just get it.

Camera in purse ready to be taken out at a seconds notice to capture a moment, or reflection, or usually ourselves. Yeh, I'm slightly narcissistic when it comes to photos. Take me as I am.

Inspiration is sparked by creativity. A Mad Hatter's Tea Party. The unique cards at A Thousand Faces. My nieces and nephew and their bold honesty. It's inspiring.

I feel like I keep searching for something. I haven't found it yet. But I'm searching.

Or maybe slightly waiting for it all to fall into place.........we'll see.

Have you ever wanted to bottle up your feelings?

If I could feel as inspired and amazing as I did for the more than 2 1/2 hours that Pearl Jam played last night I would have no complaints the rest of my life.

He's a poet. A true artist in every sense of the word. And he/they blew my mind.

This year's Bonnaroo was the most fun I've have in the 4 I've attended so far. The weather was perfect for the first time and everyone was so happy. These are the times when I appreciate all the crap that is involved in my job. When I realize that we put these shows together that blow people's minds and make you feel the way I did last night.

One more weekend to get through in this crazy month of mine.....


xoxo.

needing the zzzzz's

It's amazing how our bodies react to lack of sleep.

I'm a girl that needs sleep. Always have been, always will. And when I don't get it my body gets all jacked up.

It's 7am and I'm at work for the 2nd day in a row. We are slammed. Busier than I've been in years. Most days I just feel like coming out of my skin when the paperwork keeps pouring in. But, I work with really great/cool people and have some killer perks so I'll try to just keep myself in check until I move on.

June is a crazy month for me. Lots of things, the whole month. I will be happy come July 1. July is my favorite month. 1. Because of my birthday (July 14). And 2. Because I'm going to the beach for a week during that birthday. I'm all about the R&R.

Anyway, I need to start this paperwork while the phones are off and the noise is non-existent.

The point of this blog is that if by chance I am moody with any of you through June 30 I apologize in advance. And in the meantime I'll try to come up with some sort of concoction to wake my butt up and give me some more energy.

Happy Hump Day......

xoxo.

sunday sunday....

My plan for today was to lay out, work out, and then lay on the couch for the second day in a row and watch a movie.

Then I get a call.

G, Rachel and Ryan wanted to do a cheesy 80's photo shoot. I never pass up a photo shoot, so I ran home, showered and headed off to 80's central. What to wear, what to wear. There was a plethora of horribleness to choose from. I decided on an 80's bridesmaid. G decided on an 80's business woman. Then I went to the bathroom to work on the hair. Hairspray. Curling iron. Hairspray. Hairspray. Lots of teasing......and bam. The ugliest 80's hairstyle in the world.

Blue eye shadow.

Red lipstick (both of which make me look the ugliest I've ever seen myself).

The results:








More ugliness to come.....

It's what I used to tell people I wanted to do when I grew up.

I never really knew what occupation I was going to have, but I knew I wanted to make people feel good and put a little light in their lives....

Funny thing is.....I still don't know what I want to do with my life. But the answer is still the same.

xoxo.

the 3's

Nighttime is when I write the best.

Always has been.

I've wanted to write on here for a couple weeks, but when I'm thinking about things at night I have to try to hold on to the thoughts till morning when I'm back at the internet. And they are usually gone. The inspiration has fizzled.

I asked for peace of mind and I received it.

I have a plan.

Nov of 09' I will begin the move back to California. Unless something that I cannot control happens before then that is my plan. It's a big move back for me. I will leave all my friends once again and treck back to the land on the westest side. The next year and a half will be a struggle. It's hard when you want to be somewhere but you know the timing isn't right. I love my instant gratification and get frustrated when things don't happen when I want them to. It's teaching me patience. Doing something the smart way with planning, instead of flying by the seat of my pants and jumping into the unknown (which is what I usually do).

The last two weeks have been tough. Weird.

One of my closest friends has been going through a death and then on the day of the funeral yesterday another close person to her died in the funeral home parking lot. She's a mess. And my heart hurts for what she is going through right now.

3's.

3 deaths in 3 days and 3 people I know in car accidents in the last week.

You can't explain things and we'll never be able to. Stuff happens. It just shows you that things can change in a blink of the eye and you really have to be thankful in the moment. You can try to have as much control over your life as you want. But when it comes down to it, we really have no control.

It's been 4 months since I've talked to my mom.

Think I'll call her.....

xoxo.

Hmmmmm.

My boss was supposed to land on his flight around 2pm. It is now almost quarter till 5 and I am confused. And bored.

Did everyone decide to take the day off for Cinco De Mayo or because it is absolutely beautiful out? The phones have rung about 10 times today. Usually it's 5times this much. So I won't complain. I will stay bored, wonder where my boss is, and be happy that I have a break for once instead of being drowned in paperwork.

Does exercise make everything in your life seem better?

YES.

I quit my membership about five months ago when I thought I was moving back to CA in June. And surprisingly enough I have also been in a dark hole for the last 5 months as well. Well finally on Thursday I decided I couldn't take it anymore and got my membership back. What a turnaround. And a lot of pain. But man do I already feel so much better. I'm being patient. I know I'm not going to be able to move anytime soon. So I'm sitting tight and saving my money. Like I preach about all the time anyway, it's all about the timing, and when it's time it will all fit together and I will be able to move. Oh happy day. Ha. Patience is a precious quality and I am trying to teach myself to be better with it. You have to have it.

Right now I want:
* A tan
* A plane ticket somewhere
* The tattoo I'm getting on my foot
* A bit more clarity
* The next hour and a half to fly by
* To be at peace with things


Loving the sunshine.

xoxo.