what a difference a couple weeks makes.

i feel on top of the world.

everything that happened in the last year means nothing to me. it's actually laughable.

good things are bombarding me and i'm receiving it all with open arms....

reason #121 why i want to go to santorini....

it glows.

two peas....

my bff in la. love love love love him. don't know what i would do without him around.

xo.

"We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey."

ask and you shall receive.

the last 10 months have been rough.

i had the rug pulled out from under me. i moved to the other side of the country in about a week. i had the guy i was in love with who disappeared on me without reason re-appear and move me here. then shortly after met someone new. fell. and got screwed up again. it was like continuously jumping from one intense thing to another. that would shake anyone up that has a heart......and mine happens to be a little bit bigger than most.

california is beautiful. los angeles can be ugly.

there's beauty within it, but you have to really search and keep your head above the water because if you don't you'll drown.

i started going under around christmas. floating numb until about 4 weeks ago. that's when i hit a rock at the bottom and it woke me up.

i'm a happy person. and although i've fought with depression my entire life, when all is said and done i think i'm a light.

today a stranger started talking to me. i smiled and talked with him for a minute. as i was leaving trader joe's he stopped me and said, "ohhh, it's you again. i want to thank you for being a friendly person." that's been stuck in my head for the last few hours. that's just me. i love.

the point here......for my friends that read my blog and have been concerned is:

I'M GOOD.

finally.

my angels pulled me out of the water.

and i know there are some great things to come...............soon!

whatever sydney does sarah wants to do too.....

so.......

i present to you my other niece trying to pop n lock.

reason #1 why i need to go to switzerland....

"God often takes a course for accomplishing His purposes directly contrary to what our narrow views would prescribe. He brings a death upon our feelings, wishes, and prospects when He is about to give us the desire of our hearts." ~ John Newton

my soul can best be described by a photo....

a heart lying on and beneath every. thing.

~courtesy of golriz lucina (soon to be gundry).

i'm looking into a career change.

i think i got "stuck" in this world of music i've been in for 7 1/2 years. my intention was always to do photography and film. my biggest love. add music to any visual art and it can make it even more amazing, but first and foremost i want to create. so, how did i get off my path for so long? and how do i get back on the right path??

why couldn't have i just wanted to be a teacher or something?? :)

in one night we went from the elks lodge in santa ana with a bunch of mexican gangstas (this is for real) back up to hollywood for a late late show. such a good night.

such a good day.

man i love her.

she's crazy like her aunt.

i can't wait to see the person she grows to be. it's gonna be somethin'.




xxxx.

Boundaries emerge from deep within. They are connected to letting go of guilt & shame, and to changing our beliefs about what we deserve. Boundaries are also connected to a higher timing than our own. We'll set a limit when we're ready, not a moment before. So will others.

hey sydney, tell us a little about yourself.......

i'm going to need a vacation after this week. :)

and they're here.

i'm not used to having kids around 24/7. it's exhausting.

sydney is loco.



xo.

MADE IT!

today started the first day of 16 days off! i can't even explain how good it feels to have nothing to do for a week till my sista and her fam come. i began the process of becoming a californian today. can't believe i have to take the damn driver's test again. it's okay though. i feel good. 2009 was a year of working hard towards something and a big change and 2010 is when everything is going to come together. my new desk is so great. diamonds, camcorders, cash and big time vegas hookups.

damn it feels good to be'ah gangsta...... ;)

heading back to sin city in a few weeks hopefully.

for now. exhausted at 5:30 and need to get movtivated for wine and catch up with a friend before she heads toward the snow.

not me son. sunshiiiiiiiiiiine.


xo.

been busy

haven't had much time to write. work makes me tired. just wait till i get a second job again after xmas break. i'll be rollin in the dough, but tired all the time. but rollin in the dough.

a fun weekend. such a good escape. hopefully i'll be going back again next weekend.

i got a diamond necklace and ring this week. helps cure the stress a little. :)

xo.

there is a sting that comes along with seeing someone you used to be with, with someone else.

there is less of a sting that comes along when it's the person that was before you.

i've been seeing other people for months now and still can't stop thinking about that one.

i think they'll get married. he once said they were the same person. and i don't think he thinks he deserves better. one day i'll stop talking about him. and i'm looking forward to that day. hahaha. he certainly did a number.

sometimes i wish my dad would have treated my mom the way he treated me. but instead i watched the opposite which in return has royally effed me up because i love the tortured souls. or should i say just plain screwed up ones.

is there a hypnotist in the house???

when do you stop missing someone???